Everything will break.
One year ago, on October 28th, 2010, he was taken from me after nearly eight years of friendship. I can't say that every minute of that friendship was perfect. We sure as hell had our ups and downs but at the end of the day I knew where I stood with him. He was beautiful from the inside out and his smile was infectious. His heart was made of gold and anyone that came close to it was blessed. His passion was riding that damn motorcycle with Mark, his best friend. They grew up together; brothers. Everywhere Mark was; there was Jeremy. Everywhere Jeremy was; there was Mark. Mark always said when he died he wanted to go out on his motorcycle. No one ever guessed that September 3rd, 2010, it would actually happen. With Jeremy riding in front of him, Mark was hit by an unsuspecting driver. He never breathed the same air as us again. He died doing what he loved, with his best friend, thinking about smoking a big fat one.
Less than two months later, Jeremy went out for his last ride before the winter. He and a friend went to Quick-Check to pick up a few things. Kevin told Jeremy he would be right back and to stay where he was. Jeremy said okay. As he watched Kevin go inside he revved the engine of his motorcycle and took off. I can only imagine what he was thinking as he took that last ride. He passed a farm vehicle, as he swerved towards the wrong lane into oncoming traffic. He was killed on impact. These are our memories.
Oh what I wouldn’t give to ride in that old truck with him again. Are you living up in the sky? The last hug we shared is stitched in my brain and I loosing him wouldn’t be so bad if Heaven wasn’t so far away. Getting my mind off reality by soaking up this knowledge. Nothing goes as planned. Everything will break. People say goodbye in their own special way. I can’t believe how fast my life is moving. Is this real? All of my windows are broken but I’m standing on my feet. Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper.
To better understand the following you will need to know a few things. 1. This is real. 2. Everything italicized is written by me. 3. The lyrics are to give the audience a feeling that I feel. When I listen to those songs, I think of him. When I remember the memories, he is still a part of me. It all comes together to show the end result; Hope. This is about Hope, Memories, and Friendship. With these three things, Jeremy will stay alive in my heart forever.
*Note: Everything italicized is written by me. Everything else is either song lyrics or another person speaking.
The conversation that ended it all.
8:27p.m. Ring Ring.... Ring Ring.... Ring.....-
Hello?
Nicole, what happened...
I can't...
Nicole, tell me right now...
He was in an accident...
Is he okay??
Nicole. ANSWER ME!
Em... I can't even tell you.
FOR GOD'S SAKE!
Is he alright.
No...
--Click.
How it all began.
August 2003
I still hear you saying "All of life is chance, and is sweetest, is sweetest when at a glance." But I live, I live a hundred lifetimes in a day. But I die a little in every breath I take.
-Ben Harper
-Ben Harper
Found Poem- Amen Omen by Ben Harper
You started as a stranger Whispering in my veins I see the sweetest chance to find all we search for is the same. I'll find you answers When the question stays the same I'll take too many chances. To give you all of which remains. You searched for an answer Taking little that came your way You were searching for a friend "Let me be all of that for you," I'd say. |
The summer breeze was leaving its awakening chill on my sun kissed skin after spending all day beneath the radiating August heat. I had to fend for myself when I became sick from taking my chances six times in a row on the tilt-a-whirl after one too many candy apples. I skipped and laughed past the petting zoo, vendors selling miscellaneous items, corn dogs and funnel cakes, and barely 18-year-olds throwing darts at balloons to win their loved one a stuffed animal that they’d look at once and stash away with the rest from previous years.
I could have passed him twenty times and I would not have been able to remember as there was a sea of faces passing every second that it could have been any one of them but somehow it was his. He marched like a toy soldier next to, Mark, whom I attended summer camp with for years prior to this. To this day I wish I could thank Mark for the next part of this story, but like his friend, he has gone to a place we will never see until the end has come for each of us. Little did I know that everything All it took was a simple hello and at such a naïve age, I never thought it would change my life the way it did. He was so short for a boy that I giggled and returned the gesture, waving as an awkward thirteen year old girl would after meeting a new face for the first time. With the demolition derby arena directly in front of us, we walked together for the first time as new friends. |
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February 5th, 2004
Nothing goes as planned. Everything will break. People say goodbye- In their own special way.
-Andrew Belle
-Andrew Belle
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February 14th, 2004
My old friend, this song's for you cause a few simple versus was the least that I could do to tell the world that you were here cause the love and the laughter will live on long after all of the sadness and the tears- we'll meet again, my old friend.
-Tim McGraw
-Tim McGraw
It's my very first Valentine's Day with a boyfriend and I can't believe it's with him- he is so cute and funny and he always makes me laugh and he is adorable and when he kisses me I get butterflies in my stomach, I can't believe I'm finally getting butterflies, I should really tell him he gives me them so he knows to keep doing what he's doing, oh my god-- here he comes, what is he holding, that can't be for me, oh my god-- it's a box I wonder what's in it, It could be earrings or a diamond ring or a bracelet or anything, He's looking right at me, I think this means he loves me, maybe he'll say it today since it's Valentine's day and we are most definitely in love, he is definitely going to say it, I can feel it, He just gave me the box, do I open it, oh my god-- I look stupid just standing here looking at it, okay, okay, here goes nothing, I'm totally going to love him forever, this is it, we are going to get married and buy a house and have a dog and kids and a white picket fence and everything and nothing will ever break us apart because we are perfect for each other this is it, this is love!!
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May 2004
I will never forget it as long as I live; the feel that went through the bar. You're not there. Picked up the phone, they told me you were gone. I wish, I wish I was dreaming, but I'm wide awake. When we got to her house, everybody was there. Amazes me how you can bring us all together. Patience, you leave me here. How can you expect me to thrive? Patiently, oh I wait for you. There's not life unless you're alive. This patience, this patience, this patience is silence. This patience, this silence, oh this silence. We love you our friend, wait so patiently.
-O.A.R.
-O.A.R.
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October 2007
She said I think I'll go to Boston... I think I'll start a new life. I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
-Augustana
-Augustana
Boston by Augustana
In the light of the sun, is there anyone?
Oh it has begun... Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed, This world you must've crossed... she said... You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah, She said You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah, Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across An open field, When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry When they see you She said... You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah, She said You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah, She said I think I'll go to Boston... I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name, I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain... Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I'm just tired I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind... I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset, I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah, You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah... Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah Where no one knows my name... Where no one knows my name... Boston... No one knows my name. |
Journal Entry
It’s on repeat- even when the headphones are placed strategically in my purse, I can feel the song hit me as hard as that night hit me. It was beautiful. It was something out of a movie. I found my best friend again that night and five years later I lost him. We separated for some time, got lost and went down separate paths. We lost contact and appreciation for each other, but that night we found it.
The hood of the car froze my back on that October night. In his arms I found warmth. It never felt so good to hold another's hand like it was fate. In that exact moment in time we were meant to be holding each others hand, under the lit-up night sky. We were meant to make that memory, for little did I know, I would need it later down the road. The windows were rolled down and the soundtrack to our lives’ began. We sang to each other, playing the song on repeat loud enough for the whole town to hear. It symbolized our dreams, our big, big dreams. We dreamt of leaving that town. Packing our bags and never looking back, hand in hand like we were that night. We would forget everything and start over. It was around the time my sister was raped and my stepdad was hooked on pills. He wanted me to escape. He believed in me like no one had ever believed in me before. At his funeral, I heard this song. Five years later and I can feel that night. The night we cried together over his best friend, practically brother’s death. We held each other and radiated strength between our bodies, because we needed each other more than we knew. But he needed his sanity back more than he needed me. And I needed him for my own survival. He didn’t believe that, but he believed in me and my strength. It wasn’t until his death that I knew I had the strength, not because I wanted it but because I knew he was giving it to me because I needed it. I can feel him with me as I write this. I know I’m not alone when I hear this song. It’s the soundtrack to my memory of him. |
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December 2008
Our last hug we shared stitched in my brain. Give up the fortune and the fame to hear you say my name
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If I could, I would pull up and rewind to the time when it was just me and you, oh how we were inseparable. If I could I'd pull it up and rewind to the time before you went away. Wish I could go back to yesterday.
-Flo Rida ft. Wyclef
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If I could, I would pull up and rewind to the time when it was just me and you, oh how we were inseparable. If I could I'd pull it up and rewind to the time before you went away. Wish I could go back to yesterday.
-Flo Rida ft. Wyclef
1 Sussex County Community College Hill
2 Solid Snow Storms 3 Friends 3 Snow Tubes 3 Sets of Gloves 3 Pairs of Snow Boots 3 Heavy Jackets 3 Hats 3 Scarves 3 Pairs of Socks 1 Clear Night 10 Parts Excitement 1 Part Kick Ass Time |
Step 1- After making sure TWO full snow storms have occurred and the night is clear, stand at the top of the Sussex County Community College hill with three friends of your choice.
Step 2- Make sure each friend has a set of gloves, snow boots, socks, a hat, a heavy jacket and a scarf all placed on the correct body part for supreme comfort and warmth. Step 3- With each friend holding their respected snow tube, RUN. Step 4- Exert your 10 parts excitement while screaming the entire way down the hill. Step 5- Once at bottom, get up, shake it off, and repeat steps 1-4. |
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September 3rd, 2010
There's no one in town I know. You gave us some place to go. I never said thank you for that. I thought I might get one more chance. What would you think of me now, so lucky, so strong, so proud? I never said thank you for that, now I'll never have a chance. May angels lead you in.
-Jimmy Eat World
-Jimmy Eat World
Dear Toni and Samantha Khoury,
I'm finding it difficult to express the feeling of the loss of a friend. For ten years I have had the pleasure of knowing Mark. I have seen that million dollar smile everyone talks about. I have watched as the entire room was filled with joy when Mark's smiling face walked in. It seems entirely too unfair that such a person was taken from this world and put into another. His presence alone would linger on for weeks after we would run into each other. His embrace alone let me know that he was my friend. Not just an acquaintance, but a true friend. Someone who, no matter what the circumstance, or how long it had been since we last spoke, was there with open ears and arms to welcome in whatever the situation may have been. What this loss has taught me, is that our time with our loved ones is short and unpredictable. At any moment everything we have ever come to know may be ripped out from under our feet in the blink of an eye. Someone so kind-hearted, loving, and outgoing as Mark Khoury can be taken away in an instant by one wrong move or one glimpse of an instance. As I write this, I fight the tears that swell up in my eyes. With the image of Mark off in some distant world that we have yet to experience, I find peace. I find peace knowing that he sees what we do not. He is there while we are here. That may sound odd, but he is waiting for us. He is waiting with open arms just like he did with his time here on Earth. His body is left cold but I hope you will always know how warm his heart was and will continue to be. You raised a beautiful individual and I want you to know how lucky I truly believe that you and I are to have spent so much time with this man. I have lost people in my life just like everyone else. What we all have in common is we have all suffered loss in one way or another. It affects people in more ways than we can comprehend. The only way to truly survive something this tragic is to come together and know that we all hurt from this loss. Mark was your child, your brother, your cousin, your grandson, your friend. Whatever he may have been to you, his legacy will carry on through the years, and may his smile always brighten your day in this time of loss. I hope when you read this you understand how your son has touched my life and the lives of many others. I am deeply saddened by our loss. I say "our" loss because it truly is. Every person that has seen the smile of Mark Khoury has lost. God Bless. My deepest and sincerest condolences go out to the family and friends of Mark. When I leave this world, I can't wait to see him on the other side, brightening up God's day with this million dollar smile.
Sincerely,
Emily Minion
I'm finding it difficult to express the feeling of the loss of a friend. For ten years I have had the pleasure of knowing Mark. I have seen that million dollar smile everyone talks about. I have watched as the entire room was filled with joy when Mark's smiling face walked in. It seems entirely too unfair that such a person was taken from this world and put into another. His presence alone would linger on for weeks after we would run into each other. His embrace alone let me know that he was my friend. Not just an acquaintance, but a true friend. Someone who, no matter what the circumstance, or how long it had been since we last spoke, was there with open ears and arms to welcome in whatever the situation may have been. What this loss has taught me, is that our time with our loved ones is short and unpredictable. At any moment everything we have ever come to know may be ripped out from under our feet in the blink of an eye. Someone so kind-hearted, loving, and outgoing as Mark Khoury can be taken away in an instant by one wrong move or one glimpse of an instance. As I write this, I fight the tears that swell up in my eyes. With the image of Mark off in some distant world that we have yet to experience, I find peace. I find peace knowing that he sees what we do not. He is there while we are here. That may sound odd, but he is waiting for us. He is waiting with open arms just like he did with his time here on Earth. His body is left cold but I hope you will always know how warm his heart was and will continue to be. You raised a beautiful individual and I want you to know how lucky I truly believe that you and I are to have spent so much time with this man. I have lost people in my life just like everyone else. What we all have in common is we have all suffered loss in one way or another. It affects people in more ways than we can comprehend. The only way to truly survive something this tragic is to come together and know that we all hurt from this loss. Mark was your child, your brother, your cousin, your grandson, your friend. Whatever he may have been to you, his legacy will carry on through the years, and may his smile always brighten your day in this time of loss. I hope when you read this you understand how your son has touched my life and the lives of many others. I am deeply saddened by our loss. I say "our" loss because it truly is. Every person that has seen the smile of Mark Khoury has lost. God Bless. My deepest and sincerest condolences go out to the family and friends of Mark. When I leave this world, I can't wait to see him on the other side, brightening up God's day with this million dollar smile.
Sincerely,
Emily Minion
Jeremy with Mark's mother, Toni.
Mark Khoury's Benefit
Mark Khoury's Benefit
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October 26th, 2010
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.
-The Fray
-The Fray
Me: text- wanna meet up? I have to see you before I go back to school tomorrow… what are you doing right now?
Jer: text- Im working now but I’m done at 10 come get me we’ll go for a drive
Me: text- wanna go see mark?
Jer: text- yeah love you see you soon
Me: Ma, I’m going to see Jeremy for a little bit… we’re going to see Mark. I just need to get out of the house for a little bit..
Mom: Okay… but just be careful… can’t you see him tomorrow?
Me: No… I have to go now.. I love you I’ll be home before midnight…
I picked him up at Quick-Check no more than twenty minutes later. Something was telling me it couldn’t wait. I had to spend every second I possibly could with him. I wasn’t sure at that moment if it was from worry or if it was just pure comfort. Spending time with Jeremy was like being at an all time high. I was happy each second we spent together. He was one of my closest friends and knew every damn thing about me. As we drove he took a hold of my hand…
Jer: I love holding your hand Em. It just fits!
Em: Don’t ya know it’s because we are best friends?
Jer: How could I forget?
We pulled up to the corner of Memory Lane and Things Will Never Be The Same Again Road, Jeremy hopped out of the car and pulled me with him. We proceeded with caution. It was the first time I had stopped to visit Mark since his accident. I sat on the grass in front of the white hand-crafted cross covered in pictures, cards, notes, bracelets, and memories. Jeremy sat down next to me, carefully placing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into his chest. He knew I was scared. He could feel what I was feeling. I was, for the first time in my life, terrified of one thing; losing him. I knew. I knew he was losing control; slowly but surely. I could feel myself losing control for him. The tears wouldn’t stop.
Jer: Em, it’s okay. If anything were to ever happen to me, I would never want to you to be like this. I would never want you to live your life the way that I’m living mine.
Me: Jer, that’s a whole lot to ask from someone, don’t you think?
Jer: It’s not. I love you. You mean so much to me and you always have. You’ve forgiven me for any of the stupid shit I have put you through and proved you are wonderful. We’ve been through so much and I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. I love you so much Emily.
Me: Jeremy, you are one of my best friends. If anything ever happened to you I would be heart broken. You will always hold a special place in my heart. I love you too. Forever.
Jer: It’s weird… Satan told God, at the highest point on Earth, that he could have it all. The Earth would be his. God declined the offer. He said he has everything he needs in Heaven. He has his home and it will always be home for everyone. This is Satan’s world we are living in. One day we’ll all go home… Mark is home now…
Jer: Don’t worry I’ll never leave you.
Hearing those last words come out of Jeremy’s mouth was like hearing a two month old scream “I JUST SHIT MY PANTS!” It just doesn’t happen. He was saying goodbye to me that night and I wish everyday that I could get that moment in time back. Just one more hug, one more I love you is all I would need. The conversation continued for at least a half hour. We reminisced on all the good times. We spoke of how much we meant to each other and made sure we knew what that meant. We got in the car and drove back to his truck. We hugged for what seemed like forever. I didn’t want to let him go. All I kept telling him was to drink his milk and he would grow. He laughed and said he was about to go work out. He always had a way of making me smile.
Jer: text- Im working now but I’m done at 10 come get me we’ll go for a drive
Me: text- wanna go see mark?
Jer: text- yeah love you see you soon
Me: Ma, I’m going to see Jeremy for a little bit… we’re going to see Mark. I just need to get out of the house for a little bit..
Mom: Okay… but just be careful… can’t you see him tomorrow?
Me: No… I have to go now.. I love you I’ll be home before midnight…
I picked him up at Quick-Check no more than twenty minutes later. Something was telling me it couldn’t wait. I had to spend every second I possibly could with him. I wasn’t sure at that moment if it was from worry or if it was just pure comfort. Spending time with Jeremy was like being at an all time high. I was happy each second we spent together. He was one of my closest friends and knew every damn thing about me. As we drove he took a hold of my hand…
Jer: I love holding your hand Em. It just fits!
Em: Don’t ya know it’s because we are best friends?
Jer: How could I forget?
We pulled up to the corner of Memory Lane and Things Will Never Be The Same Again Road, Jeremy hopped out of the car and pulled me with him. We proceeded with caution. It was the first time I had stopped to visit Mark since his accident. I sat on the grass in front of the white hand-crafted cross covered in pictures, cards, notes, bracelets, and memories. Jeremy sat down next to me, carefully placing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into his chest. He knew I was scared. He could feel what I was feeling. I was, for the first time in my life, terrified of one thing; losing him. I knew. I knew he was losing control; slowly but surely. I could feel myself losing control for him. The tears wouldn’t stop.
Jer: Em, it’s okay. If anything were to ever happen to me, I would never want to you to be like this. I would never want you to live your life the way that I’m living mine.
Me: Jer, that’s a whole lot to ask from someone, don’t you think?
Jer: It’s not. I love you. You mean so much to me and you always have. You’ve forgiven me for any of the stupid shit I have put you through and proved you are wonderful. We’ve been through so much and I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. I love you so much Emily.
Me: Jeremy, you are one of my best friends. If anything ever happened to you I would be heart broken. You will always hold a special place in my heart. I love you too. Forever.
Jer: It’s weird… Satan told God, at the highest point on Earth, that he could have it all. The Earth would be his. God declined the offer. He said he has everything he needs in Heaven. He has his home and it will always be home for everyone. This is Satan’s world we are living in. One day we’ll all go home… Mark is home now…
Jer: Don’t worry I’ll never leave you.
Hearing those last words come out of Jeremy’s mouth was like hearing a two month old scream “I JUST SHIT MY PANTS!” It just doesn’t happen. He was saying goodbye to me that night and I wish everyday that I could get that moment in time back. Just one more hug, one more I love you is all I would need. The conversation continued for at least a half hour. We reminisced on all the good times. We spoke of how much we meant to each other and made sure we knew what that meant. We got in the car and drove back to his truck. We hugged for what seemed like forever. I didn’t want to let him go. All I kept telling him was to drink his milk and he would grow. He laughed and said he was about to go work out. He always had a way of making me smile.
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October 27th, 2010
A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a goner and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singin'. Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'.
-The Band Perry
-The Band Perry
Our last meal together.
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October 28th, 2010
In the future, can't wait to see if you open up the gates for me. Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend. Try to black it out, but it plays again. When it's real, feelings hard to conceal. Can't imagine all the pain I feel. Give anything to hear half your breath. I know you're still living your life after death.
-Puff Daddy
-Puff Daddy
“I see the Earth through white clouds” I see the silhouette of your face In every sunset that I sit alone to watch. It will never match your true embrace “God gave me a new home. The distance is only in your head.” What do I do each time I realize you are gone? It was a simple goodbye and your wings spread. I cannot reach you. “There is a line between your body and mine, But my heart will always be attached to yours. It will only be a matter of time.” Don’t you see my tears of fear? I’ll live this life forever missing you. "Don’t fret, my friend, I’m alive with the morning dew.” |
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Epilogue
-From my wonderful boyfriend and best friend.
-Sara, my sister.
From my beautiful mother.
From my supportive stepfather.
"Always remember you are never alone."
"Always remember you are never alone."
The past and the present together as one.